740: his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone’s ass
661: When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot… It completely ruined the experience
201: It’s like… Even our horoscopes know we had an awkward threesome last night.
775: New girl at work just game me a paracetamol for my headache. Officially best friends
904: UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
775: You convinced me to take shots of jack Daniels through my eyes!!
703: I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain
936: Feel like I’m flying. Not sure where i’m going. Hope there is candy.
215: YOU’RE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS “OH SNAP”
617: He’s either a really good actor or an actual prince, I’m fine with both so I’ll sleep with him