905: oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting “arab money”…
425: Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
402: Ima go for a jog. and I’m going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I’ll crawl home.
+44: And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
517: you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
205: It’s amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
613: She just whispered “doors are weird” and then laughed so hard she fell down the stairs.
919: Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
649: The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
937: I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.