217: I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting…
801: It’s official. I am the most popular girl in the village. Thank you vodka.
985: It’s nice to see a guy prepared for the walk of shame. He brought headphones
507: your cum blends into my yellow trousers :/
908: I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
954: I’m at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
940: Bachelor party turned into 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd.
435: he asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
603: Call meee
781: Ok, but just to warn you, I’m as drunk as a Kennedy right now…
+44: according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag